I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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