That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want her autograph on my taint
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
