i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
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You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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