That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
