the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize