Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
