i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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