The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
