I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
