I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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