Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
