Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
