Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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