I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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