Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
