so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
