so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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