what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
