Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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