some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She's the barista slut.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.