i was born a porn star she said
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.