Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.