no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
