I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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