Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
