Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
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If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
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I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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