So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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