after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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