Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
