if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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