I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
