i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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