Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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