the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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