He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
