his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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