someone threw a dead crab at me
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dicks are not precious.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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