His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
