I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
