Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
