I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
