I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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