I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
