FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
this is an emotional support booty call
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