The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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