I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
