Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
