How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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