I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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