Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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