Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
