Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
