Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
