you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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