You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
