We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
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She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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