Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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