Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
