Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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