No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize