hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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