My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
