dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
