Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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